To coffee, or not to coffee, that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer The fuzz and fatigue of outrageous php Or to take reports against a sea of regressions, And by testing end them. To code, to debug; No more; and by a coffee to say we commit The heartache, and the thousand unit tests That git is heir to. ‘tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to closure— To closure—perchance to callback. Ay, there’s the rub! For in that closure of death what callbacks may come, When we have shuffled off this synchronous language, Must give us php—there’s the architecture That makes calamity of so long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of zend, The client’s wrong, the proud dev’s contumely, The pangs of disprized Node.js, the law’s delay, The insolence of n00bs, and the 401’s That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his make install With a bare console? Who would gem bear, To XOR and XAND under a weary life, But that the dread of something after /DEV/NULL The undiscover’d function, from whose bourn No documentation returns, puzzles the will, And makes us rather rewrite all the code we have Than fly to libraries that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, And thus the native hue of regex Is sicklied o’er with the lack of lookahead, And enterprises of great scrum and iteration With this regard their compilers turn awry And lose the name of dependancies. Soft you now! The fair Sumatra! Coffee, in thy orisons Be all my bits committed.